How to make sure you have holiday weight gain this year!
So you’ve decided that the holiday season is not the time to focus on losing weight.
You’ve decided that you might as well enjoy the season by eating whatever you feel like
and drinking until your heart’s content.
You have decided to make the holidays your time to gain weight.
You’ve decided that you really don’t mind packing on an extra 5-10 pounds, because
you’ll buckle down and get “really” focused on January 2nd and lose it all.
After all, the holiday season is only once a year, and what difference is an extra 5 or
10 pounds going to make to the 10 or more pounds you already have to lose?…
Well I’ve got GREAT news. I am going to make “packing on those extra pounds”
SUPER easy for you. In fact, I guarantee that if you implement the following 6 rules
this holiday season, your clothes will be fitting tighter and your “muffin top” will be
more obvious than ever before. Hooray!
Okay so here’s what you have to do.
TIP #1. Stuff Your Face to the Max
Portion control is for punks and it definitely won’t help your weight gain mission.
So here’s what you need to do during the holidays. Take advantage of every opportunity to eat multiple servings and get as much food on that plate as possible, in fact, if its spilling over the sides, that would be best!
Buffets are ideal to accomplish this goal. And don’t even think about waiting 10 minutes before helping yourself to a second serving, as soon as you’re done cleaning your plate, hurry up and pack down some more food, before your brain gets the cue that you’re full.
TIP #2. Make Sure You’re Ravenous Before Going To Any Holiday Party
In fact, it’s probably best if you don’t eat at all the day of the party, this way you can be sure that you’ll overeat, and really do some serious damage at the dessert table. To get the biggest bang for your buck, be sure to eat the hors-d’oeuvres that are fried and highest in processed carbohydrates such as white flour. I would recommend the puffed pastries and “pigs in a blanket”. Also don’t forget to socialize by the food table so you don’t burn any extra calories walking backing and forth, and you can really reap the rewards of mindless eating.
TIP # 3. Over Indulge in Alcohol
Particularly alcohols high in sugar. Alcohol is the silent “killer” when it comes to controlling calories, and is perhaps the biggest contributor to weight gain during the holiday season.
Alcohol has 9 calories per gram, which make it nearly twice as “fattening” as carbohydrates or protein. Plus it’ll slow down your metabolism which makes burning all the food you just ate nearly impossible. Add a fruit juice or carbonated beverage to your drink and you’re sure to pack on some serious pounds.
TIP #4. Skip the Veggie & Fruit Platters…
and head straight for the chocolate covered marshmallows. Don’t waste time trying to squeeze in your 5 daily serving of fruits and veggies. Nope…now is not the time. After all, those kinds of foods are too low in calories and sugar and much too high in fiber to cause any increase in the size of your muffin top. In fact, if you’re really committed to your weight gain goal, skip the ‘entrée’ altogether and focus strictly on the sweets. Foods high in sugar elevate insulin levels and insulin puts your body in serious fat-storing mode.
TIP # 5. Avoid All Unnecessary Movement
All movement requires your body to burn calories, and our goal here is to store as many calories as possible. Therefore, if you can do all your shopping online and avoid walking in the mall…PERFECT.
And forget about the working out, in fact maybe you should just skip all your workouts for the month of December. In the worst case scenario, if you are forced to move, just make sure it’s at a very low intensity and you’re not lifting anything that will make you gain muscle, as this will speed up your metabolism and that is NOT our goal here.
TIP # 6. Starve Yourself Until The Party Or Event
If you can get away with starving yourself until dinnertime, that’s ideal. Then you’ll be able to eat 1500-2000 calories in one sitting at dinner. Talk about weight gain heaven. If you can’t last all day without a meal, then at least be sure to skip breakfast. At least, this way, you’ll be sure to slow down your metabolism all morning and you’ll overeat later in the day. Not to mention that you’ll be so hungry by lunch that you’ll probably make poor choices, which will help make gaining those 5-10 pounds so much more easier.
I promise if you follow just a couple of these tips, for just a couple of weeks you’ll see a major increase in your body fat and in the size of your “muffin top”. Follow them all and you’ll gain so much weight that you’ll be shopping for a bigger clothes this holiday season.